I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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