My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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