somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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