What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far