yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.