i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?