Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.