my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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