I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing