We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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