Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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