I feel great
I just peed on a car
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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