I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
