I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
