Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
