Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
