What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
