So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
