This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize