and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
