This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
