i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My vagina is officially offended.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
