you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize