The maid of honor just puked.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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