She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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