ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
