I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
