I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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