i think i have two assholes
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Randomize
