if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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