Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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