theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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