What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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