I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
