just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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