I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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