we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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