My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
