Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
