just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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