Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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