I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
