hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize