My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize