Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
