Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
