Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
