5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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