he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wear drunk well.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
