Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
