Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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