This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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