Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
