Is it normal to miss your booty call?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
