The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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