And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
