thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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