Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
