Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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