I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
