smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize