Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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