with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
