How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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