I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
