No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
