First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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