i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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