She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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