You're completely useless in the revolution.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
