gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
