just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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