i already hear my dad disowning me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So squirting runs in the family.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
