I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
