I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
