I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this just has baby written all over it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
