Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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